In the aftermath of any tragedy, such as an individual loss of a loved one or a community-wide loss such as the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center, parents face the difficult task of trying to explain the unexplainable to their children. Remember that your children get their cues from watching your response. As a parent, your first instinct is to keep your children safe. Events like this make you realize you cannot protect them from everything. You can, however, try to make the world a more peaceful place, starting at home. The following are suggestions for how to begin: 

Listen... listen...listen! Knowing that they can share their thoughts or fears with parents helps children. If your child is reluctant to talk, do not jump in and tell her what you think she is experiencing. Start the conversation with gentle questions about how she is feeling. If your child does confess to being afraid, do not dismiss or gloss over his feelings. Comfort him, letting him know that you are there for him and that the two of you will work through this together.

 

If younger children ask about the events, offer the basic facts, but do not dwell on the details. Acknowledge your child's fears. Bad things do happen. However, reassure your children that you will do your best to protect them. Do not make promises that you cannot keep.

 

Turn off the TV and the radio. The more children watch, the more traumatized they will become. This is also true for teens and adults. We think we are immune, but we are not.

 

Pay special attention to children who have faced recent trauma, such as a death or divorce. This new situation may affect them more, and they may need extra nurturing.

 

Stay in your normal routine as much as possible. Follow the rituals your family regularly enjoys including reading, exercise, and playing. Make sure you participate with your child in these activities.

 

Limit the Internet surfing on the topic by all family members. It can become almost an obsession to learn more "breaking news."

 

Signs of Stress

 

Preschoolers do not often have the word power to tell adults what they are feeling. So how can you tell if your child is upset about a tragic event she has seen or heard about? Here are some signs:

 

Your child's eating or sleeping habits change. Your child, who used to eat all of his dinner, may suddenly have no appetite or want to eat only his favorite food. He may also be afraid to go to bed or have trouble sleeping through the night.

 

Your child starts acting out. She may be more likely to display destructive behavior, such as picking a fight with a sibling, hitting or pushing friends, playing roughly with a family pet, or tearing apart a favorite toy.

 

Your child craves more of your attention. Your youngster may cling to you more than usual or resist going to school. He may be fearful and does not want to let you out of his sight.

 

Your child exhibits physical signs of stress. She may have stomachaches or pull at her hair. If you see such changes in your child, ask her how she is feeling or if something is worrying her. Sometimes just talking out a problem with you can be a big help to an anxious child.

 

If your child's worry persists, it may be that more is troubling her than just a tragic current event. In that case, speaking to a professional is a good option for both you and your child.